i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
