PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You made out with two different species that night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
