I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
