Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
