My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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