you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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