I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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