Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
