how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
