i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
