After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
