this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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