Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
