He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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