Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
