I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
