I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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