Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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