i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
