just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
