my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
