We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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