Can Purell be used as lube?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
