if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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