you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
