i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
