Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
