xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's always time for handjobs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
