i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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