Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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