Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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