i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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