R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
