4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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