I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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