I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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