dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
