I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
