READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can text with my tongue
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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