Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Of course I have a pirate flag
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
