I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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