fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
