On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
