well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
