I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
