I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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