I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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