I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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