I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
