I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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